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Monday, June 2, 2008

a nEw bEGiNniNG . . .

I had the most wonderful vacaction if not the best. After so long of not coming home, I decided to beeak free from the hussles of Dumaguete City.

Iloilo sure is welcoming - it's nice to be home.

Now it has come to an end - I have to leave again. Two weeks sure is a short time.

I was reading through my previous blog posts and something caught my attention. It was a post I made months before classes end. Reading through all those words written, I realized I was too self-centered - too selfish of not thinking about other people and focus on my emotions. It went:

With Cakes and Sleep...
Mar 10, '08 8:49 PM

Nothing much of the title. I think it's just cute - just to contrast the feeling I have now.
I know I am not smart nor am I stupid - just a normal average guy you wouldn't even notice. An A-flat for a grade would do. Not even a "University honor" everybody would be damn proud of. I get grades - I pass, I flunk.

I don't read books, yes and I don't even stay up late. I don't share the same passion with that of John Grisham's or Sidney Shieldon's but my life as an artist is more than any of their books combined.

I don't follow my mind, but instead I follow what my heart says. I am humane. I live with a purpose, I live not because I think. I live because I feel. I am just a simple nobody who struggles with the challenges of everyday life. I am human. I live. I love. I am me.

That I guess makes me smarter than anyone.

I bethink of all the happiness life has offered and of all the friends I have - those people who I used to tell my life's passions and secrets, those people I have considered family. Of that someone whom I have shared my life's glories and turmoils with.

Soon, I'll be alone. People come and go, they do. It's just that I can't even fathom the depth of the misery and loneliness I feel deep inside me now. Soon, I alone would feel what I feel - no friends to comfort me, no "someone" to console my bothered heart. Yes, I am alone. I will be.

That's how I was two months ago. It's a new beginning for me. I will be fine. I sure will. I will be free.

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