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Sunday, May 10, 2009

suLaT kAmaY

I decided to dismiss what I wrote earlier. It kills me - my emotions, my mind, my way of thinking. It makes me numb. It scares me.

I was tagged by Violet on her PENMANSHIP TAG because she was too curious how my handwriting looks. So, to make her happy and to kill time, I decided to do this. I hate rules though so I decided not to follow some and made my own. *peace* It is I think an analysis of me through handwriting. This is called GRAPHOLOGY.

The rules:

1. Write down who tagged you.

2. Answer these:
- What is your NAME / PSEUDO / USERNAME
- Are you right-handed or left-handed?
- What letters do you like writing?
- What letters do you hate writing?

3. Write "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

4. Tag five (5) persons.

I am tagging Jake, Richard, Flinchie, Bogs, and Luis.

Wikipedia defines this as:

"the study and analysis of handwriting especially in relation to human psychology. In the medical field, it can be used to refer to the study of handwriting as an aid in diagnosis and tracking of diseases of the brain and nervous system. The term is sometimes incorrectly used to refer to forensic document examination. Graphology has been controversial for more than a century. Although supporters point to the anecdotal evidence of thousands of positive testimonials as a reason to use it for personality evaluation, most empirical studies fail to show the validity claimed by its supporters. Graphology is now generally considered a pseudoscience."


I am right-handed.

I like writing the letters in my name.

It kills me writing letters T, K, J and M

I remember writing in one of my posts lines like "Ako’y isang hamak na musikero lamang. Musika ang bumubuhay sa aking pagkatao, sa aking kaluluwa. Musika ang nagbibigay kahulugan sa aking magulong pagkatao. Kahit ganun pa man, musikero pa din lang ako. At kahit ang tadhanay walang magagawa sa isang katulad ko."

"Ako’y isang tipo ng mag-aaral na kung pupwedeng salihan ang lahat ng activities sa eskwelahan eh gagawin ko. Kulang na nga lang eh sumali pa ako sa Officer Training ng ROTC – isang kadahilanan kung ba’t ako’y napag-iinitan sa skwela dati. Di ko man naisin, ganun talaga. Ewan ko nga ba. ‘Ala naman akong masamang ginagawa. I just want to belong. Yung nga lang, siguro nai-irita sila. O baka nai-inggit lang talaga sila? Ewan."

Analysis made by Blogthings.

"Ako'y isang tipo na akala mo'y hindi kaagad-agad sumusuko. Yung tipong kunwari okey pa, pero sa kaibuturan ng pagkatao eh durog na durog na. Yung tipong pinapaniwala ang sarili na magiging matiwasay ang lahat kahit alam mo nang hindi. Kahit kitang-kita na. Nagbubulag-bulagan pa din. Tao nga talaga ako. Tao nga ba? O baka tanga nga lang talaga?

Ganun ako. Kahit alam kong sinisiraan na ako n'on eh parang okay pa din lang. Umaasa sa wala. Para akong nakalutang sa hangin. Mga "kaibigan" ko din naman kase sila eh. Di ko kase inakalang mesa Hudas din pala ang mga yun. Kase nga nagbibisi-bisehan ako sa eskwela. Kasi nga tanga! Ungas!"

At the end of the day, I know will fall into place. Not all things are basically reliable. Even this analysis. I believe that the best way to really know the person is to spend time with him/her and know the person more and not judge them just because of that person's handwriting.

Friday, May 1, 2009

a LeTTeR

"Falling in love doesn't necessarily need to get through with sex. It is knowing the other person with who he was, he is. It is accepting his past, his present and his future. It is conscience. It is selflessness. It is trust."

I was scheming through some old papers I had five years ago. This was a part of a letter I sent to someone who meant so much to me dated 17th of June 2004. Memories began to gush in my mind. I have been struggling much with that relationship and I believe I still am. Everyday of my life I become more and more afraid. It is true that feelings and emotions are temporal. LOVE isn't. The only permanent in this world is CHANGE. It has been a long time I know. My life is still in pieces. I can't seem to pick them all up.

I have edited some parts of the letter due to some grammatical errors. I am posting this hoping that he would be reading it again. Yes, there are a million "FISH" in the ocean. Some have stung me. Some are slippery. But this, I have managed to hold on to.

17 July 2004

It has been almost a month when I met you. I can clearly remember that time. Memories are still fresh and vivid.

It was raining. We were strangers. Least that I have expected that I will be falling for you. I believe that some people, like you, were meant only to teach a person to love again. To teach and but can't love in return. I am just happy that there was this YOU who shook the core of my being and made it see a spark of hope again.

I admit that everything seems to be so stupid. Stupid of falling in love with someone you have just met. An acquaintance. Though I know what I felt. This has taught me a valuable lesson - that no matter how ordinary a person can be, he could mean someone's world. I may not totally know your sentiments. I don't even know if you felt the same. Uncertain. Somehow, it made my world spin again.

It has been a week since classes started. Every day, I look forward of hearing from you. Often times I feel bad. I expected too much of recieving a single e-mail from you. I have to understand that though. Everytime I get home and lie on my bed, I could feel the cold air brushing my face - reminiscing those times when we talked about sweet nothings. I like it that way.

Falling in love doesn't necessarily need to get through with sex. It is knowing the other person with who he was, he is. It is accepting his past, his present and his future. It is conscience. It is selflessness. It is trust.

On that night when your folks gathered for a farewell dinner, you were a complete stranger. It was absurd to have expected too much attention from you. I was selfish. I apologize for that. I even confronted you about Andrew knowing the fact that I didn't have the right, even in its littlest form, to do so. I love you that much.

Twenty days of being away, I am still holding on. 28th of May, I had a last glimpse of your face, seen you smile, kissed your shoulders, held your hands - those hands that would never be mine. I am missing you.

Then again, thank you for being a part of me - an ordinary being. Thank you for the wonderful times spent.

If there could only be a line or two that has the power to bind all these things in my heart. I love you!