Life has given me bitter-sweet memories that I would carry for the rest of my life. Death will always be a poignant reminder of the things that could have been but have not. Tears are the only weapon I cling on to. Putting back into pieces what I once had is a painful step. Things haven't been easy and life for me has always been a struggle between sadness and optimism. I don't consider it a baggage. Not even as a burden. It has made me whole and empty.
I cannot deny that fact. It has been too prevalent in me. Too obvious not to be seen nor felt. Too loud not to be heard. But then again, all I have are memories. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Sometimes people come to our lives for a reason. They come. They go. And even fate can’t stop them. I have had my bitter share of all these in my lifetime. You never get what you want unless you take it. But people don’t belong to people forever. That is the sad reality. No matter how much we stop it from happening, it will.
Looking back, I have people I am very much indebted to – people who have, in one way or another, molded and honed me of who I am now – for the best and worst. They will never be forgotten. This will be a series of random thoughts and bitter rantings – an endless reminder that YOU, in a way, contributed in my life.
The world is a small ocean - too small for a big fish like me.
I am where I am now because of you. You have always discouraged me because you thought I was too good for you. I used to believe that. I don’t know if I still do. You have made me feel shitty of me not pursuing a medical course and made me think that music is the life I should live. You made me think that a life of a musician and artist won’t be enough to feed a hungry mouth. I thought so too before. Things are different now. I remember that time when I promised myself that one day you’ll be happy for me too. Now, years after we both said goodbye, I hoped to have you back. But no matter what I do, you’re too good for me. Since then, you always caught me off guard. Every time I move closer, you start to drift further away. It was painful. It still is. I am angered by the thought that I know you are always there – a silent spectator of my life. I have long wanted to hear from you. But you have turned deaf-mute to me. I would not expect anything anymore. You have made my life colorful and with that I am very much thankful.