twaS i aLL aLonG

“Sure thing…” Then he started to act diversely in such a way that it’s hypnotizing him already. He doesn’t even seem to care about the things that are happening around him. I saw the shadow of the devil cloaked him and slowly poisoned his young mind until he was totally blinded by it. He knew not that I was watching from a distance. No one, neither a single soul, perceived what I was up to.

Then one day, I was horrified knowing that he hooked up with a guy. I heard all the gossips that were running around. It slowly pierced my heart and depicted a tear in my eye. To think that he’s got everything – with all the talents, coupled with the exceptional intelligence everybody gets to envy with – I pity him of being so inane and of not using all these justly. Or maybe because he was just so overwhelmed by the love he found and that was given to him.

All these lasted quite long. I tried to forget what had happened and go on with my life but it never ceased of haunting me. I felt so much guilt especially that I knew all along what was happening but I made him go on his way.

Until one day, after sleeping on a bed full of roses, his life changed into complete hell. Depression and darkness ate him up. I cry seeing him so down. It totally ate him up until I unearthed him situated in a solitary confinement – he went to see a psychiatrist. The tragedy of his love almost made him lose his sanity and it was so pathetic of me just contented of gazing at him and doing nothing. He suffered from total misery and I didn’t know if he’d be able to cope up with it all.

“I think my son needs a psychiatrist. I’m so concerned!” his mom anxiously told me.

It was Christmas time and yet I see tears cascading down from his eyes. He seemed to ask himself why those things had to happen. He was not able to embrace such reality that they’ll never be together again. I felt so sorry for I wasn’t able to help him. I didn’t even know how.

New Year’s eve came and I was seeing no hope. It’s still the same old scenario I always behold since that day I saw him with his psychiatrist. I prayed that, sooner, he’d be able to get out of it and look into the brighter side of life.

It all started when his parents departed. His mom left to work abroad; his father was busy for a job promotion; his older brother was studying. All the duties and responsibilities were left to him. Somehow, I understood why he suffered all these. It’s just like a glass – so delicate and breakable, so vulnerable – once filled with water, there’s no way out but to give up and overflow. Like him, he gave up for he wanted to see the world and behold the wonders that stand tall against him. He wanted to be free. He wanted to behold everything there is and believe that he has everything in his grasp. Unfortunately, he never became one.

All these happened when he was invited to join his friends at a bazaar. There, he met this someone. They met in a very unique way – both started as enemies coupled with all the nonsense insults. Soon afterward, I found them busy communicating with each other.

“Will you be here tonight? I need some company, I guess. Would you mind giving me your landline?”

Then he asked, “Should I give it to him?”

“No, don’t give it out. I bet you know who this person is,” answered a friend.

But everything was too late. The number was already given.

Both communicated and ended up as lovers. Neither did his friends know. So, after it all, the two was the talk of the town. It was like fire spreading quickly through dried and rotten leaves.

On that occasion, they both left the group and never returned. Since that time I saw them both walking somewhere in the city, I heard the news that they finalized their relationship. Right then and there, his world turned upside down. They said that he doesn’t talk to anybody anymore. Not even to God. Sometimes, his parents would find him crying alone in his room. He began to be paranoid - he did not eat nor sleep.

Because of too many lapses made by me, I plotted out that I should go away and leave everything to somebody who has the capability of making this boy accept the things he ought to accept and change the things he can change. Early next morning, I left saying with a though in myself that I did the right decision. There, both of us went our own separate lives.

Years later, looking back with what he went through, he was way too different. I saw him reap the fruits of his labour and reach even the peak of success. I believe that he is happy now and contented of what he has.

Years passed, a lot of people grew weary and kept on asking me who that boy was. I just told them that they’d know in time.

And as I turn my back away from them, I simply smile and reminisce – 'twas I all along.


to be continued...