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Saturday, October 18, 2008



Persistent sadness, anxiety or empty mood.

I know happiness lies within my soul but I can't deny the fact that i feel anxious most of the time. Sad in the sense that things aren't going exactly the way I want them to be.

Sleeping too much or too little.

My class schedule is from 8am down to 9pm. No joke. I don't go home for lunch so I don't have enough time to have siesta. I sleep at around 1am and unfortunately, I always find myself waking up at 3am having a hard time to go back to bed again. It irritates me. I feel hopeless.

Waking up in the middle of the night unable to sleep again.

Like what I said earlier, I wake up around 3am. I have a hard time going back to sleep. If ever I feel the need to go back to sleep again, it would be useless - it's 7am (and my class starts at 8am).

Marked reduction of weight or weight-gain like eating too little or too much.

My weight hasn't been stable for 2 years now. I lost 40lbs. last summer though and it was really abrupt. Now I am starting to gain everything back again. When I'm sad, I tend to eat a lot. Often times, I eat nothing. (Or is it the effects of quiting smoke?!)

Loss of pleasure and interest in activities once enjoyed.

I love multi-tasking so much. But things have changed since what happened to me since June. I don't know. I love playing the piano but my interest slowly faded away. I have been trying to tell myself that it's just one bad day. But as the day comes to a close, things didn't fall into place. My piano recital even sucked. God!

Restlessness and irritability.

I am one patient person. That was years ago. Or am I having early andropoause?

Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment.

Coughing is a sudden and often repetitively occurring defence reflex which helps to clear the large breathing passages from excess secretions, irritants, foreign particles and microbes. Or say, sneezing. Rhinorrhea (runny nose)? It last for a month. Been drinking all sorts of medicines but to no avail. *sigh*

Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions.

I can concentrate. I lot. But I have one serious problem, I begin to forget things easily. I even forgot that I'm having my birthday this October not until my bestfriend told me. Pathetic! Decision-making? I can't even decide what and where to eat. Inutil!

Fatigue and loss of energy like no energy to get out of bed.

See?! I can't even answer this stupid thing.

Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless.

Remember number two?! I always find myself waking up at 3am having a hard time to go back to bed again. It irritates me. I feel hopeless. What do you think?

Thoughts of suicide or death.

Death has always been my fascination. I am a suicidal kid at 8. Nah. I don't want to talk about it nor think about it.


Aiken said...

problem is you're drowning your self into these negative thoughts. why don't you sit back and dig in, try to find something positive to think about? chola!!!!! carry on!!!! life is beautiful! maybe you're forgetting how beautiful life is... and worse, maybe you'll get to a point where you won't be able to see life's beauty any more (like sigi nalang problema). be optimistic! get on track! run along the "human race" hehehe.

alex said...

yeah i agree with aiken

thinking positively will do you far better than drowning yourself in negativity...

kaya mo yan, there's a reason for everything, and eventually you be better person after ng lahat...

god bless you always mico!

Stan™ said...

i think i've oredi experienced almost all of that.

it sucks yet,
every time i would go back,
somehow, it feels a relieve for me.

hope it does the same with you.
take care.

Mico Lauron said...

@ aiken: chola!!! thank you so much for the encouragement. though i cant deny the fact that problems wont seem to leave. i really cannot understand, like what a friend of mine said, "Why is that evil people get what they want easily through their wicked ways and yet those who do good should always sacrifice a lot in order for them to get what their hearts desire." choLa, dear, i find everything so ironical... i am derailed and so are my thoughts. thanks for the encouragement though and for the friendship. and most especially for believing in what i can do as a person.

Mico Lauron said...

@ alex : aLex dear, you are one of those few people who always believed in my positive reinforcements. thank you so much. your presence in my blog as well as commenting on every written piece of art i have in this blog makes me feel a little bit better. knowing that there are still people in this world who cares so much about somebody they do not know or even yet people they haven't met. thanks so much!

Mico Lauron said...

@ stan : stanie, yes we all have depressions in our lives and we just can't simply deny that. sometimes some depressions are worse in comparison to yours or even to mine. yet sometimes it all comes up to a certain level of person's maturity. we all have depressions, but different levels, different intensities...

thanks for the thoughts. i appreciate them all...

bogs said...

Hahaha. So I was really depressed then! It's a good thing though I am not anymore entartaining those, I figured, after quite some time though, that the more we linger, the more we let moments pass.

Maybe it's about time we get more optimistic.. Maybe easier said than done, but there's the plan.

: )

Mico Lauron said...

@ bogs : i know. i totally understand. i guess i figured out for myself what was really wrong with me.

i tend to look at life too seriously. laging nakasimangot. kaya siguro ganoon.

yeah. that's the plan. and i am working on it too.

by the way, it's nice to hear from you again. missed you bogs! chak!

Hello!! said...

Hello! Thanks for the comments..been experiencing these things too for a while but you're all right. We all go through these kind of depressions but on different levels. Hope we'll get better soon! :D