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Friday, October 3, 2008

dEaR soLdiER

I have been too troubled the past weeks. Nothing comes into my head. My depression ate all the literary thoughts I have been having. I tried fighting back but everything was in vain. It was painful, devastating.

It started when my grandfather died. Then everything came rushing in - like a domino. Twas unstoppable. I didn't see it coming. It has almost been a month now. I am trying to regain strength - emotionally.

It was only this past day when I read something so sweet, so assuring.

"Dear soldier, I see that you're tired. I tell you, drop your sword and put down your shield."

Yes, I was tired. Too tired of fighting another battle in my life.

"Why worry about the fight?"

I wanted to save myself. I needed to be strong. I should. I must. So I thought.

"After all, it's not your battle. It's mine"

Yours? Then why am I in all these bullcrap then?

"All you have to do is to be in the battle field."

And then what? Get myself killed? Lose everything again? Pathetic!

"Then, against the thousand who tried to destroy you, there I will stand and rescue you."

It did not happen only once. If my mind would serve me right, yes I was there. They tried to destroy me. They won. My failure prevailed. Where were you?

"Winning this war requires neither me nor you but rather ME AND YOU."

All hope is gone. I am weak - too weak to fight, to weak to lose, to weak to win.

"Just do your best."

I always do. But it never seemed to fall into place.

"I'll take care of the rest."

Yes, yes I'll rest.

"Your commander, Jesus"

It won't be easy - to let things be. To let it go. To silently face each day hoping and believing that everything will be okay. I know it won't. I know it'll never be. Things aren't the same anymore. Not anymore. It'll never be. Never.

I am just a soldier.

His soldier.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.


mel beckham-atienza said...

Mico I'm glad that you're back. I hope you're ok na. Don't worry too much. Lolo is in a better place now. ~hugs~

Mico Lauron said...

@ mel beckham-atienza: I'm feeling better now. much better. Thanks for visiting me again...

alex said...

hey mico nice to see you back, and i'm sorry to hear about your granddad...

Mico Lauron said...

@ alex : everything's okay now. i am doing well. and feeling much better. oh by the way, i updated it na... hehehe!

alex said...

thanks mico

nice to hear you're doing okay, yeah sometimes bad bad things happen to us but hey they're not happening without reasons, maybe it's still blurry now but we all understand the meaning of it in the future when we look back...

god bless!

jericho said...

uy .. welcome back to the barracks.. ;)

mhar said...

finally, nakita rin ulit kita. welcome back pare koy!

Paper Tilapia said...

Micoy!!! Ü i missed you too! grabe na ang pressure sa aking kinalalagyan ngayon. Kay hirap maging isang empleyado, ina at "asawa", at kung tutuusin, parang kulang pa ang aking ginagawa. :P maaari na bang maging rason yun upang di ako makapag liwaliw sa blog world na ito? Anyhow, nasa Dumaguete ako nun August. Sayang naman at ngayon ko lang napagtantong naroon ka. Libre sana kita sa Inato. :D Ahaha. Napakasarap tumira sa lugar nyo :)

Jake Tornado said...


I'm so happy you're back in the limelight. You're finally on a rebound.

Hey, I wish me and Doc M were in Dumaguete to lift your spirits.

Fight the depression man, there's more reason to celebrate life. Christmas is just around the corner!!! :)

Mico Lauron said...

@ alex : yeah i am trying to cope. so much. there are lots of people in this world who is suffering much in comparison. thanks for always being there.

Mico Lauron said...

@ echo: thanks! it's nice to be back. and to see you again here.

Mico Lauron said...

@ mhar : same here. it has been a tough month for me. thanks!

Mico Lauron said...

@ paper tilapia : sayang! you could have invited me pa... hahaha! next time.

Mico Lauron said...

@ jake: thanks! your presence is enough to keep me moving. salamat sa inyong lahat. my regards to Doc M.