isDa Sa kaRaGaTaN

Matagal-tagal din akong nanahimik pagkatapos ng mga nangyari. Kung iisipin nga eh ‘di dapat ako nagdamdam. Wala din naman kase akong naging kasalanan. Kaso iba yung pakiramdam na akala mo’y tinalikuran ka na ng buong mundo. Hindi maipaliwanag. Pakiramdam ko nailibing kalahati ng katawan ko. Hindi ako makapag-isip. Hindi ako nakapagtrabaho ng maayos. Namatay ang siglang dati’y abot-kamay ko na.

Ganun pa man, kailangan kong ipagpatuloy ang aking buhay. ‘Di din naman kase nagtatapos dun ang lahat.

Namasukan ako bilang isang waiter sa isang fastfood chain sa Iloilo, naging stand-up comedian, naging singer, naging emcee pa nga. Kahit pagko-call center ay napasok ko na din. Magbenta ng karneng baboy, paminsan-minsan eh tapa. Parang lahat na nga ng uri ng trabaho eh napasukan ko na. Kulang na nga lang mag-janitor ako. Kahit patimpalak sa kantahan ay ‘di ko inurungan. Desperado nga talaga. Nakakatawa ano? Kahit ako nga eh hindi ko lubos maisip na napagdaanan ko ang lahat ng ‘yon. Ang dami ngang kinita, kaso hindi din naman ako naging masaya. May hinahanap ang pagkatao ko na hindi ko batid kung ano. Parang may mali. Parang may kulang.

Ika-17 ng Mayo 2004, malakas na malakas ang ulan. Nasa isang videoke bar ako n’on. Dun ako madalas magtambay ‘pag walang ginagawa, ‘pag day-off, walang magawa, ‘pag may problema o kahit maglasing ng walang kadahilanan. Mag-aalas nuwebe na ng gabi. Naisipang kong umuwi kahit ganun kasama ang panahon. Malapit na nasa ako sa bahay nung natauhan akong wala sa bulsa ko ang cellphone ko (Kase naman, naglalasing ni hindi na maaalala kung s’an pinag-iiwanan ang mga gamit). Kaya naisipan kong bumalik.

Pumasok ako sa bar na basing-basa. Basa na parang binuhusan ng isang batyang tubig. ‘Di ko na pinansin ang mga taong nakatutok sa akin. “Mas mahalaga ang telepono’t sim card ko kung iisipin,” sabi ko sa aking sarili. Ayon, buti na lang itinago ng waiter. Lumakas lalo ang ulan. Tsk. Tsk. Wala akong nagawa, nanatili ako dun hanggang sa natuyo na ang damit ko.

Ilang oras pa ang lumipas, dumating ang isa sa mga kaibigan ko. Ewan kung sa may anong uri ng hanging ang nagdala sa kanya para mapadpad sa bar na yaon. Mekasamang iba. Hindi ko pinansin nung una. Pakialam ko (Taray! Bella Flores in the making ang drama ng lola mo!). Kaso lumapit sa’kin ta’s may itinuturo. Kumakanta pa ako n’on. Pakiramdam ko akin ang entablado (Tanga! Pakiramdam mo lang yun!). Sabay bulong sa tenga ko, “May ipapakilala ako sa’yo.” Eh naku, ako naman tong si Ms. Gaga sumagot, “sige, tatapusin ko lang ‘to.”

Ang hilig ko sa mga old time favorites pagdating sa musika. Kahit Luciano Pavarotti eh papatulan pa. Sabi nga ng mga kapatid ko ang weird ko raw. Kase naman, kapag hindi lumang tugtugin ang pinapakinggan, Josh Groban naman ang tinitira. Ewan. Basta ganun ako.

“Mico, si _______ nga pala,” sabay ngiti’t nakipagkamayan.

‘Di ko binigyan ng pansin nung una. Hindi ko pinuna. “Isang isdang mula din sa malawak na karagatan,” ika ko sa aking sarili. Isang nilalang na hind ko inakalang magiging malaking bahagi ng buhay ko.

itutuloy...

maPanGaHaS

Ako'y isang tipo na akala mo'y hindi kaagad-agad sumusuko. Yung tipong kunwari okey pa, pero sa kaibuturan ng pagkatao eh durog na durog na. Yung tipong pinapaniwala ang sarili na magiging matiwasay ang lahat kahit alam mo nang hindi. Kahit kitang-kita na. Nagbubulag-bulagan pa din. Tao nga talaga ako. Tao nga ba? O baka tanga nga lang talaga?

Ganun ako. Kahit alam kong sinisiraan na ako n'on eh parang okay pa din lang. Umaasa sa wala. Para akong nakalutang sa hangin. Mga "kaibigan" ko din naman kase sila eh. Di ko kase inakalang mesa Hudas din pala ang mga yun. Kase nga nagbibisi-bisehan ako sa eskwela. Kasi nga tanga! Ungas!

"Talaga lang?! Eh bat naman kelangang lumipat? Apektado siguro..."

Dinig na dinig ko lahat. Hanggang ngayon. Mas malinaw pa sa sikat ng haring araw. Titser ko yaon. Gumuho ang mundo ko - yung taong nirerespeto ko't tinitingala, pinatulan din ang lahat ng kagaguhang kumakalat sa aming departamento. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Hindi nya kase alam na andun ako, nakikinig.

"Sir, andito po siya sa kwarto..." pabulong na sinabi ng kasamahan namin.

Natigilan siya. Natahimik ang loko. Ang mukha'y parang di maipinta. Tsk. Tsk. Tinitigan ko siya. Di niya napigilang mapayuko. Napahiya siguro. Ewan. Ako? Ayon, pumunta ng opisina ng dean sabay rekwes nga transcript. Simula n'on, di na ako pumasok. Ulol! "Okey lang yun, h'wag mong dibdibin. Ganun ka ka-importante sa kanila," pakonswelo ko sa aking sarili. Pero alam ko, kahit ano pa karaming pakonswelo de bobo ang ibigay ko sa sarili ko, habang buhay nang tatatak yan sa kukote ko. Masakit eh. Para akong nilibing na buhay.

Kaso nga lang, sabi nga nila, "Ang masamang damo hindi madaling mamatay."

Naging mahirap para sa akin tanggapin ang mga nangyari. Ang bilis ng oras. Ang bilis ng panahon. Parang kahapon lang. Sariwa pa ang lahat ng nangyari. Hindi pa nahilom ang sugat na dulot ng mapangahas nilang pangangalispusta sa akin.

Ewan ko. Ibinuhos ko na lang sa trabaho ang lahat ng aking dinaramdam. Kung naging tao lang ang mikropono, tiyak patay na. Sa sama ng loob ko, nakaya ko pa ding mapatawa ang mga kustomer namin. Nagtatrabaho din kse ako bilang isang stand-up comedian kahit nag-aaral pa ako. Hindi ganun kadali para sa'kin yaon - ang patawanin ang ibang tao kahit alam mong durog na durog ang puso't pagkatao mo. Kinaya ko, kahit masakit. Naniniwala pa din kse ako sa kabutihang taglay ng bawat tao kahit sinaniban na ito ng lahat ng klase ng demonyong makikita mo sa mundo. Ang dami kse ng anyo ng demonyo - merong mataba, payat, relihiyoso, guro, doktor. Ewan. Basta ganun yun. Me sa kung anong demonyong pumasok sa ulo ko't ganun pa din ang pananaw ko sa buhay. Tanga nga talaga.


itutuloy...

tSk. tSk. tSk.

Ang hilig talaga nating mga Pinoy sa chismis. Kahit ano – sapatos, kasuotan, o kahit pagkain eh pinagdidiskitahan – magawan lng ng chismis eh okey na. Kahit wala na ngang makain, chismis pa din ang inaatupag. Kahit anong hugis o anyo basta chismis, buhay ka na. Kaya naman ‘di umaasenso ang Pilipinas kase kahit sa politika, chismis pa din ang pinagkaka-abalahan.

Teka nga muna, maitanong nga. Ano nga bang mapapala natin dun?

Magtatatlong taon na ako dito sa Dumaguete – isang pala-isipan kung ba’t dito ako napadpad eh pupwede din naming umuwi ng Maynila – paraiso kung saan ako nagka-isip, nagka-utak. Ba’t nga ba?

Matagal-tagal na din namang hindi ko na-ikukwento kung bakit sa dinami-dami ng pupwedeng mapuntahan ay ba’t Dumaguete pa. Nasa Iloilo ako nun, nag-aaral sa isang pamantasang hindi ko sukat akalaing huhubog sa aking pagkatao.

Ako’y isang hamak na musikero lamang. Musika ang bumubuhay sa aking pagkatao, sa aking kaluluwa. Musika ang nagbibigay kahulugan sa aking magulong pagkatao. Kahit ganun pa man, musikero pa din lang ako. At kahit ang tadhanay walang magagawa sa isang katulad ko.

Nasa Iloilo pa ako n’on, kalalabas ko lang ng seminaryo. Sa aking paglabas eh naisipan kong ipagpatuloy ang aking sinimulang pangarap, ang maging isang musikero. ‘Buti na lang ay may conservatory doon. Kumuha ako ng eksaminasyon, nagpa-audition din ako. Kaya ‘yon, sa awa ng Poong Maykapal, natanggap din naman.

Nagtagal ako ng dalawang taon sa pamantasang iyon. Ang dami kong naging kaibigan, kaklase. Tuwang-tuwa ako sa aking mga guro, sa mga leksyong kanilang itinuturo, sa kaalamang ibinahagi nila. Masaya ako. Ang dami kong minithi. Ang lawak ng mundo sa isang maliit na isdang katulad ko. Masayang-masaya ako. Akala ko. Hindi ko sukat akalaing ‘yon din ang magiging dahilan kung ba’t ako napadpsad dito.

Ako’y isang tipo ng mag-aaral na kung pupwedeng salihan ang lahat ng activities sa eskwelahan eh gagawin ko. Kulang na nga lang eh sumali pa ako sa Officer Training ng ROTC – isang kadahilanan kung ba’t ako’y napag-iinitan sa skwela dati. Di ko man naisin, ganun talaga. Ewan ko nga ba. ‘Ala naman akong masamang ginagawa. I just want to belong. Yung nga lang, siguro nai-irita sila. O baka nai-inggit lang talaga sila? Ewan.

They find me as a threat siguro. Ewan. O baka makapal nga lang talaga ang pagmumukha ko? Ewan. Basta pagkaka-alam ko, wala din naman akong tinatapakang tao. Kaya ‘yun, umiral ang pagka-Pilipino, ang kawawang isda ginawan ng chismis. ‘Di ko na nga alam kung sa’n dun yung nauna. Sa sobrang dami ba naman?! Tsk. Tsk. Ganun ako kasikat sa eskwelahan. Kahit nga sweldo ko sa trabaho eh pinagdidiskitahan pa. Tsk. Tsk. Pilipino nga talaga.

Kinaya ko lahat ng paninirang puri, lahat ng panlala-it. Nawalan ako ng kaibigan. Nawalan ako ng tiwala sa sarili. Lahat. Akala ko’y makakaya ko yaon. Pero ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo ay may hangganan – kahit baso nga’y napupuno rin, kahit lobo’y pumuputok din. Natameme ako. Natahimik. Wala akong nagawa. Ni hindi ko man lamang na-ipagtanggol ang sarili ko. Napa-isip tuloy ako, “Kawawang bata, ‘alang kalaban-laban.” Hindi ko kinaya. Hindi na. Kaya umalis ako.

itutuloy...

kNiGhT iN sHiNinG aRmOuR

I go to this place like almost everyday and even end up staying late. Since this establishment came, I have enjoyed the people around it and those familiar faces I get to see almost everyday. But what caught my attention was this Manilenyo guy who visited Dumaguete City for a couple of days.

He has that smile no one has. Or maybe it was just me. I dunno. For several days he's been hanging out where I was. He had those cute chinito eyes which capture my being. (char!) It was funny because everybody who works there knows I like the guy so much - they even tried to find means of knowing where he stays for the time being - and what suprised me? He stays on the same Avenue where I go home to.

He was scheduled to go back to Manila today - place where I grew up - but due to some unavoidable circumstances (it rained so hard today) his flight was cancelled. I thought I'd never see him again. Well, I just did. Even got stolen shots.

I know this is just something I would feel for the time being. A feeling I know which would be gone after he goes back. "Just for now," so they say. It's nothing much actually. Not to be lingered on. I just like it this way. Makes me smile. Makes me look forward for tomorrow.

"Pag nakansel uli flight ko bukas, balik ako dito," he said, flashing a smile I would never forget. Like that of a knight in shining armour. I felt like a damsel in distress. (wahaha!)

Then I said to myself,

"Tsk. Too bad I don't know his name."

tHeRe's a diFFeReNcE

Text messages have been flooding my inbox for days now. I have been wondering too. Like the earlier post I have made, another caught my attention.

"How would you ever know if you are already in love with someone?"

Tsk. Tsk. Here we go again.

"How would you distinguish a strong attraction from love?"

Don't ask me, I don't wanna know.

"Sometimes it gets so confusing that you get to intertwine the two."

True. True.

"That's the reason why we are afraid to risk - fearful to make a mistake, scared to regret in the end."

Then, it made me think. Is love a real thing or is it just a fantasy we made believe true?

"But the moment that person walks out of your life, you'll realize that indeed, there's a difference."

Or is there really a difference?

YoUr FriEnDs wiLL bE hAppY To kNoW

"Do I have to explain myself all the time? I am too tired of defending myself," a text message went. It struck me.

It continued, "You are surrounded by people who don't like me and those people who don't know me. The fact that it contributes why you don't trust me back. I have to endure it all the time."

It is such a pitiful thing for someone to recieve a message a such. But no one really knows the reason behind it.

"And it has been hard for me - to keep what I feel - because I am a very vocal person. I have opened myself to you and have made you understand why I act this way. I have been waiting for that time when the people around you would see me the way you do. But it all seems hopeless."

The message went on as if it will never end.

"I can't blame you for being rude towards me now. I do understand. I never left you hanging. I was just waiting for you to go beyond the box everyody has placed me in. I wanted you to trust me because it starts from there."

What a painful scenario.

"I have been wanting to call you mine but you were too worried about what people has to say and of how they'd react to it. I didn't say I'm correct most of the time because I have flaws too. I am human."

Tsk. Tsk. The bitter reality of love.

"It struck me when you said, "Ever since." It only proves that you haven't gotten out of that box. That's why I have been holding back. We just had that talk two nights ago and it went well. But if you still see me the way other people do, with your reaction and with the circumstances now, I can't do anything about it anymore."

I love the last part. Trust me, I do.

It went, "Your friends will be happy to know."

Ouch!

aT tHe PaVemEnT

It's 5 minutes past 2a.m. and I am still up. My heart has been too troubled since I came back from Iloilo.

Today's weird - I wasn't able to attend my 8am class, went to school late and worst, entered the wrong room. I messed up my class schedule - had my piano lessons and thought it was my schedule. I ate more than what my tummy could handle, cried over something not knowing the reason why and amazingly, went home earlier than I used to, and was even awake in the wee hours of the morning walking on the pavement with derailed thoughts.

Maybe I missed home. Maybe. I don't know. Class hasn't been into my system that much. Not even the thought of studying my Deutsch and Francais lessons.

Looking at the pavement, where I was, I see tears falling down from the heavens carelessly kissing the ground. It hasn't been raining - an unusual thing for a rainy month like June. The moon is full and high. It hangs whole-heartedly in the dark skies - no buts, no ifs, no whys. It just does with no questions at all.

I wish I were the moon - not thinking too much about anything - not worrying what may lie tomorrow - just the now. I envy the moon for it'll be there, always there. It somehow assures me that there's still tomorrow - a hope that I will be able to do the things I wasn't able to.

Today's weird. Or is it just the day? Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. Today's weird Or is it?

Today's weird.

It is.

hOLd oN

“He was 17 years old. He was our friend and he was our little baby even though he’s 17.”
“When she died she was only 15.”
“Her name’s Erin, and she was 19.”
“He can’t live with what he’ve done, so he took his own life.”

It struck me hearing those lines from families and friends who have lost a son, a daughter and a friend. Every 18 minutes, someone dies from suicide in the U.S.

Microsoft® Encarta® defines suicide:

Su·i·cide (plural su·i·cides)
noun
1. killing yourself: the act of deliberately killing yourself
2. somebody who commits suicide: somebody who intentionally kills himself or herself
3. doing something against own best interests: the act of doing something that seems contrary to your own best interests and seems likely to lead to a disaster such as financial ruin or loss of position or reputation
4· Adopting a policy like that would be political suicide.

Life is such a wonderful gift – too precious to waste on useless worries. Although often times I do understand what those who committed suicide feel – I am a survivor myself, too.

“He committed suicide. He shot himself in the head.”
“He was my boyfriend. By the suicide, he was 26 years old.”
“I hope I got rid of it if I’ve seen it coming.”
“I think I know he’s listening. And if he is, I just want him to know I love him.”
“It’s not the right order of things.”
“You’re not supposed to bear your children; they’re supposed to bear you.”
“The last thing he said to me was, have a fun time with grandma Mom and I’ll see you on Monday.”
“And I’ll be waiting for Monday the rest of my life.”

I cannot fathom the hurt they feel but I do emphatize.

“I always wonder what’d be like if my father was still alive.”
“Hang on ‘cause everybody goes through it.”
“I tried to hurt myself but I’m glad I’m still here.”
“There’s always a way out, always.”
“I can’t imagine me not being here now.”
“It’s okay to get help. You’re gonna miss out on so much.”

We all just have to hold on. We just have to.

aN oLd pOsT

Was surfing the net tonight when I remembered that I still do own another blog. I thought of visiting it again after so long and this is what I found...


August 20, 2007

rELiGioN

There have been lots of connotations of the word “meditation” and it has been like that for the past several years. No one really, or shall I say, fully understands this uttered word or even completely define such practice. Though we admit that we usually hear them, most of the religious people, say that they do practice such ritual. No one really knows. Or better yet leave it to their keeping – a sense of respect to those few who deems it that way. But what really is meditation? How did, does and will it affect one’s living? Or will it ever affect man? Questions left unanswered up until now.

Commonly, people would tend to go somewhere isolated where they can be alone and set their minds in the rhythm of nature – to find comfort and inner peace, to focus on the here and now. It would entirely depend on one’s culture and tradition – an arbitrary. But, nonetheless, however or whichever it may be, it all comes down to one thing, a branch of learning that ameliorates us to find an inner haven of tranquility, vigor and astuteness. It is a burning zeal – fervor for unity and sovereignty. It is something that we can always fall back on whenever our paths and focus go astray, our lifeline so to say.

It may or may not affect you but sooner or later you’ll realize its fundamental nature – may it be spiritual, physical, physiological and psychological. Each has its different effects on man scientifically speaking. And it has always been a channel for self-renewal, security and an augmented worth of existence.

We may not know it but it had at least once in our lives passed through our veins running like oxygen to our blood streams. It comes unnoticed. You may be sitting on a couch and suddenly feel a sudden gust of the breeze touching your soft skin and unexpectedly got enchanted by it and you feel each passing wind like it were going to be your last – a moment that you won’t want to ignore, a moment you won’t cease to come into contact with.

With all these, one gets to go through and discover what fate has in stored for us – a submission of one’s self, of one’s being, of one’s soul. Time and again, you’ll foresee that it is not only for some bubble-like religious societies but it is, too, for any living and existing soul there is no matter what, regardless of faith and upbringing.

I wish to emphasize that it is not only for some social-gathering purposes that we do such ritual. It has, basically, turned into some stereotypical, party-like jamboree for the rich and aristocrats – a hoax.

These people seem to have forgotten the core values that accentuate the different facets of such ritual. We tend to lose attention in instituting ourselves in the contemporary and present split second with convergence and unfussiness. We become unaware in cultivating a consciousness that is insubstantial, divested, lucid, and receptive. We fail to understand the power that moves us in our acts, conduct and even our relationships. And eventually end up being so uncompassionate toward others and too focused and bothered on ourselves alone – narcissism and self-centeredness. It is in the here and now, in the real essence of contentment and plainness. All these are the foundations on which we build our love and reverence to our lives.

We should never do extremes that would solely kill its real meaning. We should always have this right attitude toward it. It may be hard though but it’ll surely give you a good sigh of relief after all. One must always have the willingness to learn, an open-mind, patience in everything you do, the motivation to keep you going a life filled with simplicity and dedication. Most importantly, the humility to accept that you too falter, that you are human.

With all these in you, we may be able to find that happiness our hearts have long been longing for. We turn away from making a barrier out of the fantasies we always deem real. We get to accept the world and its imperfections and ignore all our disillusionments, anxieties, infirmity and bewilderments. We unleash our capacities to think harmoniously with the world and everything there is and have that creativity in looking towards life in a very optimistic way. Sooner or later, we begin to see clearly the mode in which we can affect the world, its people and by the manner that we too are affected by it. We begin to see that our wreckness changes into clearness, our entrapments to liberty, dissatisfaction and forlorn to exhilaration, and our anxieties to tranquility. “For he who pursues righteousness and kindness will find life and honor (Proverbs 21:21).”

i tHoUGHt . . .

I read a friend's blog the other day. I was doing well and was feeling better until I started reading the entry. It was quite simple though, nothing intricate, nothing fancy. Yet, I was struck. It made me think. I thought I was okay, I thought I was fine. I thought...

It was simple. It was.

It simply said, "Will you still love me in the morning?!"

aLonE buT noT LoNeLY

Really now?! Hahaha! Reading the title would even give me some reasons to think again. Alone? Yeah. Lonely? Hmmm... Thinking... Thinking... Thinking.... Thinking.... Hahaha! I dunno.

For some reasons, I locked myself up in my room since Friday night - I wanted silence - to find what I really want in life.

Now let me see... Alone? Yes! Lonely? Hmmm... Thinking... Thinking... Thinking...

friDaYs @ miNimiK

"D' Minimik Grill"
where gentle and happy people meet.

Beside ABS-CBN Dumaguete, across Coco Grande along Hibbard Avenue.

i aM nOt aN anTi-cHRisT

For heaven's sake, being a skeptic and an anti-christ are two different things. I admit that I am skeptic about God's existence because of the errancies in the bible but it doesn't mean that I am an anti-Christ. Only a perverted-minded person would think of me doing such.



I have included some meanings in order for people to know the difference.

Skep·tic [sképtik](plural skep·tics) or scep·tic [sképtik] (plural scep·tics) noun 1. somebody who doubts something is true: a doubter of accepted beliefs 2. somebody who doubts religious teachings: a doubter of religious doctrines and principles 3. philosophy Another spelling of Skeptic [Early 17th century. < Skeptic ]

An·ti·christ [ántee krst, ántī krst](plural An·ti·christs) noun 1. antagonist of Jesus Christ: an antagonist of Jesus Christ, expected by the early Christians to spread evil throughout the world, but then to be overcome by the second coming of Christ 2. an·ti·christ (plural an·ti·christs) opponent of Jesus Christ: a person or power opposed to Jesus Christ [Pre-12th century. Via ecclesiastical Latin <>

Now tell me, is being a skeptic the same as being an anti-Christ?!

I am not an Anti-Christ!

nuRsE kA?!

I have been feeling strange lately - I can't even seem to spell words correctly nor put my thoughts together like I used to. I don't even know if anybody would be interested in reading this entry. Got no one to talk to, honestly so I decided to face my laptop today and write something that would make me a l'il useful.

I am feeling depressed. I guess I really am. Yes. I am.

Insecurities have been flooding my mind since I went back to Iloilo for a vacation. It has extremely affected me to the point that I cry over something stupid - of me being a "mere" Music student and not as everybody has thought of me as Nursing graduate.

I am turning 24 this year and I am still in school - yes, still in school. I do enjoy music more than anything more so and so I decided to take up B.M. Music - Voice and quit Nursing. It was 7 years ago and that I never felt any regrets - up until now when everybody began to ask me that lame question over and over again, "Grad ka na? Nurse ka?"

Hearing that, I fall silent and with a little reservation I would answer back, "Talaga? mukha pala akong nurse. Salamat ha! Ako'y isang hamak na musikero lamang.."

I don't intend to insult nurses nor do I intend to belittle my fellow musicians - it's just that, after so long, I have realized that music is my life but it won't bring me anywhere. It is true that I am happy with my craft and that it has made me stronger and a better person - met people, love them. But life isn't just about me, nor being a music student - it is how you make the most of it.

I thought to myself, "Am I being selfish of taking us this course because it makes me happy? Is this really what I want?" Questions slowly rush inside my head, memories I thought forgotten began creeping like poison - I am down again. Then I remembered, "Butol man ka kay music ra man gud ka gud!" (You're stupid because you're only a music student) Some bitch-slapping I guess.

Thoughts are rushing in again. It kills me.

diVoRcE : tHE iRonY oF LoVE

Marriages occur in different reasons. It varies from those simple runaway fairy tales of love to those complicated stories of unwanted pregnancies. However, divorce may occur in a scenario of extreme superficiality and complete abjuration of tying the knot. Divorce is the exact opposite of marriage; nonetheless, it is a cliché for Hollywood stars and some rather eloquent masses. Thus let me adhere to my point which is: that divorce should be implemented if not legalized here in the Philippines.

Defining divorce in the simplest manner requires neither the pinnacles of intelligence nor the zeniths of wisdom. It is simply the official ending of marriage or separation. Thus we question, why should we end a marriage when it is bound by the laws of God? Why is it so that people have a sudden change of heart? How can we simply eradicate the tie, the intimacy, and the love that we feel? The answer: because we are human and by being human, we are prone to instances that are momentary or impermanent emotional stability – our feelings unsettling, our decisions inconstant, our passions fluctuating, and our selves changing from time to time. Thus, we need to bring an end to the misery of a futile marriage.

First of all, divorce is a widely accepted concept in the Western World. It is the solution to marriages-from-hell, the answer to every battered woman’s prayer, the remedy for the hopeless case of polygamy, the super-hero who saves the innocent victims from those bad villains. Even though divorce results to broken families and abandoned children, there is no other way if the relationship doesn’t work the way it used to. The relationship will eventually worsen and in whatever angle you may want to look at it, divorce is and will only be the sole solution. Family had always been the strongest foundation, so they say, of the society – with the typical father-mother-children picture here in the Philippines. We have been bounded to the stereotypes of our old-aged tradition – that family and God work hand in hand resulting to quarrels and injury. No wonder fathers leave home not to work but to find another haven, mothers becoming desperate even having an affair with their neighbor’s gardener, juvenile delinquents becoming so rebellious and unstoppable ignoring the real epitome of the home as a means of escape. Will we only be nostalgic to all the atrocities and anarchy within our families? Pathetic insolent fools!

Second, divorce is simply annulment put on formality’s sake thus putting a bad façade on its namesake - cloaked behind the legalities of the complex system of law-making. In a divorce action, one spouse, usually the wife, may be granted alimony or maintenance payments generally for a limited period of time. The custody of any children may be awarded to either spouse, with fair regulations made for visiting rights and support of the children. At present, joint-custody arrangements are being worked out more and more frequently by divorcing parents.

“Divorce, is a legislatively created, judicially administered process that legally terminates a marriage no longer considered viable by one or both of the spouses and that permits both to remarry. Until the divorce reform movement of the 1970s began to have an impact, the legal doctrines governing divorce could be understood only by reviewing the long history of English divorce law, which was dominated by concepts of canon law.” (Microsoft Encarta 2006)

Third, divorce sets people free from the grasp of naïve husbands and miserable wives. It gives them space – some air to breathe – and another shot to a might-be-so-good-a-relationship. It is the fall-back for those who were led astray by their selfish thirst for lust, money, power and justification for all the transgressions that have had arisen. It is letting lose from strangulation of all the complexities of married life towards a road leading to nowhere. Empathy does not justify the recurring commotions nor does pity rationalize the sorrows one has suffered – a nadir to all your grievances – an unfathomable pit of the disfigurement of one’s heart and mind.

*My opinions do not need to be wallowed in your thinking. It is neither a perversion of your knowledge nor a corruption of your thought. It is a reality faced by millions of people not only in the Philippines but, too, around the world. I have placed all these in a context of the simplest argumentation for you to see it vividly and clearly – that this is a necessity of putting a halt to the miseries of households confronting this circumstance. It may, somehow, bring about a bitter tang but nonetheless, the results of such disagreements are fulfilling and gratifying.

a nEw bEGiNniNG . . .

I had the most wonderful vacaction if not the best. After so long of not coming home, I decided to beeak free from the hussles of Dumaguete City.

Iloilo sure is welcoming - it's nice to be home.

Now it has come to an end - I have to leave again. Two weeks sure is a short time.

I was reading through my previous blog posts and something caught my attention. It was a post I made months before classes end. Reading through all those words written, I realized I was too self-centered - too selfish of not thinking about other people and focus on my emotions. It went:


With Cakes and Sleep...
Mar 10, '08 8:49 PM

Nothing much of the title. I think it's just cute - just to contrast the feeling I have now.
I know I am not smart nor am I stupid - just a normal average guy you wouldn't even notice. An A-flat for a grade would do. Not even a "University honor" everybody would be damn proud of. I get grades - I pass, I flunk.

I don't read books, yes and I don't even stay up late. I don't share the same passion with that of John Grisham's or Sidney Shieldon's but my life as an artist is more than any of their books combined.

I don't follow my mind, but instead I follow what my heart says. I am humane. I live with a purpose, I live not because I think. I live because I feel. I am just a simple nobody who struggles with the challenges of everyday life. I am human. I live. I love. I am me.

That I guess makes me smarter than anyone.

I bethink of all the happiness life has offered and of all the friends I have - those people who I used to tell my life's passions and secrets, those people I have considered family. Of that someone whom I have shared my life's glories and turmoils with.

Soon, I'll be alone. People come and go, they do. It's just that I can't even fathom the depth of the misery and loneliness I feel deep inside me now. Soon, I alone would feel what I feel - no friends to comfort me, no "someone" to console my bothered heart. Yes, I am alone. I will be.


That's how I was two months ago. It's a new beginning for me. I will be fine. I sure will. I will be free.